William was still young after all, so he had a common failing of men when getting a successful career------thinking that the grass was always greener on the other side and hoping that he could circulated among Sean and the other men perfectly. But he forgot that the person living with him was also a proud man, no matter how tender he was. In addition to the connivence based on love, there were other persistent stubbornness in Sean's heart, which William would never understand.

Sean forcibly suppressed the nausea after dinner, lost in reverie and sitting in balcony which was gilded by the sun. He just looked at the oxidized black silver ring on his finger with the corners of his eyes moistening slightly.

Was that all about their fourteen years of love? Or was it easier to share woe than weal?

Sean had never been so conscious of his regret. What he regreted was not the decades of desperate love, but the abandonment of his pursuit out of love. He should have had a red line, and he shouldn't have given up his dream as a man to go out into the world.

William had stayed at home for one day before he left, because there was some trouble in a big project as the manager said to him. He said he would be back soon after work.

Sean tied a chuncky dark blue cashmere scarf to him, then smiled and waved his hadn: "Don't be silly. I know you are hardy, but the body can not withstand the cold wind."

William kissed his side face, no longer mentioning Gene. He took the car key out of the door with his mind in a whirl.

Seeing William leave from the balcony, Sean sighed lightly and made a call to Gene. Somebody picked it up immediately. "Doctor Ai, is it convenient now?"

"You can come now. I'm on duty today. I heve an operation in the afternoon, so it's better to come a little earlier."

"Okay. Sorry to trouble you." Sean fiddled his longish bangs, thinking that he had to cut it short after coming back.

Gene paused for a moment and then said something having nothing to do with the treatment: "The temperature has dropped today, so put on more clothes."

Sean said thank you immediately after a trance, hanging up the phone to change clothes for fear he should disturb Gene's work.

It was truely cold outside, and the cold air assaulted his nose, suffusing his airway. Sean had a habit that he did not like to wear a mask at any time, not knowing the reason.

He sat aside to wait quietly as there were a few patients there. His mind wandered unconciously. Looking at a couple and a child who was diagnosed

with leukemia crying in the office of despair and sadness, Sean felt somewhat sympathetic and distressed.

If his parents were still alive, they must dearly love him ...... Even if he was such an undutiful son.

"What are you thinking about?" Gene called him after some time with a smile in his voice: "Can you take off your down jacket? It's Rented?"

Sean did not feel hot, but too chunky clothes was really a trouble. He took off it smilingly and sat on the chair opposite Gene's desk.

Gene intended to to make a joke with Sean at first for fear that he should be too nervous in the treatment later, but his eyes inadvertently glanced to Sean's slender neck. He couldn't help hissing------ Those were hickeys if he was right.

Sean didn't notice it. He looked down at the cover of the latest issue of the magazine in the corner of the desk, thinking that he himself had not subscribed to magazines for a long time.

Gene came around then. He stifled his astonishment as he knew he was just a doctor, who needn't care about it, restrained consternations mood. He looked at Sean solemnly with his hands clasped: "You get chemotherapy tomorrow firstly......"

Gene was a young doctor with outstanding scholarship. He talked about his treatment and illness objectively without an iota of personal emotion, which cooled Sean's heart and body bit by bit.

"You are still young, and I will do my best. You can't give up on yourself." Gene added such a sentence to console him at last.

Sean's phone rang before he replied. It was from William. He was used to not keeping him waiting, so he picked it up at once.

"I won't be back tonight. Cook something good for yourself."

The volume of the microphone was not soft, so it echoed around the silent room. Sean smiled to Gene embarrassedly, while turning down the volume to walk toward the door.

Gene spinned the parker pen and looked at the two pots of orchids. No one knew what he was thinking.

Sean came back after a few minutes with an apologetic smile: "I put the phone on silent this time...... I'm sorry."

"Are you a gay?" Gene felt that his brain must have been eaten by a dog to say such indiscreet words as an adult.

Sean paused for a moment and forced a smile: "That's my......" Roommate. His explaination was interrupted when it hadn't been finished.

"You've got hickeys on your neck. More than one."

Sean drew his collar like conditioned reflex, and thenhe realized how embarrassed his action was, which was a deliberately cover-up. After a long time, he sighed, and found an out for both of them gently and jokingly. "The hospital doesn't treat a gay?"

Gene shook his head with some sadness and inexplicable anger: "I don't care about sexual orientation. But I don't know what's really going on between you. Firstly, do you think your body can still bear it?" Gene was not a fool. Those marks were obviously sucked out by someone with strong possessiveness.

"Secondly, and the most important, what exactly is your relationship positioning? From the time you got the examination to the time you decided to get the treatment, it's only yourself......"

"Doctor." Sean interrupted him in a somewhat cold tone: "I did not tell him about it. I am afraid he will be sad. All right?"

Sean loathed people's passing judgement on William, but he couldn't defend him justifiedly either. He could just interrupt the topic in such a unwise way.

Gene would be busy in the afternoon, so then he fixed another time with Sean tomorrow.

Sean coughed twice, which even pricked his bones. He thought that if someone intended to tell a lie, he must can patch it up perfectly no matter how stupid and disgusting the excuses were. If William had still loved him, he would never had endured the pain alone, he would have cried then, he would have bid the man to boil water and take medicine for him, and he wuld have left the most brattish and wilful last words------ You couldn't be together with anyone else after I died.

But it would never happen. The only thing he could do was bear it alone and make himself not annoying.