"So, do you want to head to that cafe and eat cookies?" She asked as we strolled through the neighborhood. "I would but Josh wants us back home by seven, I have a test tomorrow and he wants me to study, remember?", I ask her with a big smile.

"Well, I'll just get the cookies just for me when I drop you off", she said in a playful manner. "No fair! Josh is the one who wants us home, Nana", I giggle. "Oh well, I guess you can blame Josh for-", she said before pausing completely, fear struck her eyes out of nowhere.

"Nana, what's wrong?", I say as I try to grab her attention. "M-mike, go into that shop, now", she said weakly. "Why? What's happening", I say fearfully. "I said go into the shop, now Michael", she snapped.

I fearfully ran into the store and stared wide-eyed at the store clerk. "Hey, do you need any help with anything", she said with a kind smile. "S-she... out", I barely whispered. I trembled, not wanting to look outside. "I, um, don't understand. Are you okay?" She said worriedly.

She came up to me and gave me a tight hug, attempting to stop my trembling but without much success. My breathing became uneven and my eyes began to water a bit.

What's happening outside? Why did she talk to me like that? She would never do that!

I cried as the store clerk held me in her arms, cooing reassuring words. She let go of me and gave me a sympathetic look before letting me sit on a bench near the front entrance.

I sat there quietly but I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to know what was happening outside. I need to know if she was okay.

I slowly took a deep breath before getting up and walking out of the shop. And I was never prepared for

the things I saw...

The things I felt.

Her piercing screams...

The gunshots that would haunt me for the rest of my life...

I curl into a ball, my back pressed against the store's front window. Tears streamed down my eyes as I stared at her. Her face was covered in cuts and bruises as she laid there unconscious. Blood covered her sides and the sidewalk and her white dress was dirty and disheveled.

After a few minutes, people began to huddle around her calling the cops, an ambulance, while I just sat there. Staring at the people trying to help.

I'm just sitting here...

Alone. Scared. Useless.

I cried for a bit longer, shaking and sobbing as I sat there petrified. I knew I was crying loudly, I just couldn't hear myself over the whispers, chatter, and the sirens.

I want to go and help her. I want to move and talk to the cops about the people who did it. I want to hold her hand. I just can't.

I can't bear to see anymore.

"Hey buddy, are you okay?", a man said before cupping my shoulders. I look up and my eyes fall onto his badge. My eyes started to water before I could get anything out. "G-grandma", I whisper and I could tell his eyes went wide. "Was she your grandma?" he asked as he crouched down, facing me with his intimidating eyes. I simply nodded but my eyes fell onto the ambulance.

There were many people trying their hardest to get her to the hospital. Helping her live. My eyes went wide as the ambulance started to drive off.

I should be in there. I should be helping her. I began to hyperventilate and my eyes started to sting with tears once again. "Hey, hey, she's in good hands. She'll be okay", the officer said calmly.

I looked away from the street as he healed out his hand. I hesitantly took it and he led me to his police car. "Don't worry, I'll take you to her", he said as he led me to the door. "Should already be with her", I whisper.

I sat down and put in my seat belt as he talked into his radio. Before I knew it, we were on the road.

Please be okay

•••

I sat quietly on the cold chair, the only sound in the room is the eerie beep of the heart monitor. I stared at her colorless and frail face as tears slowly fell from

my eyes.

"Nana, it's been awhile since i've seen your eyes. I had some hope that you would today, so I bought you these", I say, voice raspy and full of pain. I gesture to the small bouquet of lavenders I had in my hand. "You told me how much you liked these. You always told me you'd tell me one day. Why you love them so much. I-I hope you'll tell me on my birthday", I say, I stopped to sob before I began once again.

"I'm turning thirteen. You said you'd tell me once I'm thirteen. N-nana, can you hold on till then? It's in a few weeks, I want you there. Please..." I say as I got up and held her cold and lifeless hand. "I don't know if you can hear me Nana, but if you can, I beg you... hold on... please", I said before hugging her body and sobbing.

"D-don't go! Don't leave me here alone! Don't leave me and Josh alone.. I-I need you Na-Nana... I love you too much to let you go..", I cry against her chest.

I cried and cried and nothing could stop me. She brought the light into my life. I trusted her more than anyone, even Josh. She means so much to me... I could have helped her...

I could have done something to stop them from hurting her, but I hid. I hid like a coward instead of trying to help. She... she's dying because of me...

I begged her to stay as I cried harder and harder against her chest. I held on to her like she was leaving because... because she was...

I slowly calm down and look up and stare at her face. Her thin pale face with little life. My eyes start to water as I stare at her sickly face. Three weeks ago, it was full of color and warmth. Her olive skin was full of life and her bright green eyes full of happiness. Green eyes.. like mine. Her vibrant dark hair that once looked like mine, now dull.

We used to look so alike it made people think she was my mother. It was nice having someone look just like you but in this case, every time I look in the mirror I see her eyes staring straight at me.

They give me a twinge of guilt and sadness. They stare at me and show me what I could be looking at right now if I helped... if I had done something...

I wiped away my tears as I stared at her.

I took a deep breath before taking the bouquet and placed it in her hands. Her cold, pale hands.

"Please wake up... tell me everything will be okay", I whisper as I sit back down on the chair, the sudden wave of tiredness hits me as I curl up and slowly fall into unconsciousness.

I wasn't sure how long I've been sleeping but I was suddenly awakened by the heart monitor. I-it went flat... NO! NO!

"NURSE! S-SHE, HER HEART STOPPED", I screamed as I ran up to my grandma. I grabbed her hand, not knowing what to do. "NURSE! DOCTOR! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" I say through tears.

Not before long, doctors and nurses burst into the room. Two of them tried to drag me out but I protested and yelled. "NO! PLEASE! LET ME STAY, I NEED TO SEE HER!" I cried as they dragged me outside. "Hey, HEY! Listen to me, she's going to be okay. You just can't be in there right now, only adults can", the nurse said, grabbing my shoulders tightly. I

just stood there crying, again..

That's all I can do.

Stand and cry.

And just hope that she's fine.

I stood there, paralyzed as I stare at that door with tears still trickling down my flushed cheeks.

Everything seemed silent but I was suddenly pulled back into reality with someone calling me. "Mike! Mike! I-it's gonna be okay buddy. It'll be okay", I hear Josh say as he runs up to me and pulls me into a tight embrace. I hug him back before bawling my eyes out on his chest. "S-she's gone Josh... she's gone. Like mom and dad... people hurt her and I did nothing", I whispered to him. "What are we going to do now? Are we going back to foster?" I ask.

"N-no! Not again! I'm turning 18 in... two years... but we can make it work, okay?" He said with tears in his eyes. I heard him tighter and never wanted to let go. "We only have each other now... please don't leave me..", I say. He quickly pulled away and cupped my cheeks.

"Mike, why would I ever leave you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, remember that, okay? I love you too much", he said as he pulled me into another embrace. "I love you too, Josh", I whisper to him.

We stood there hugging for a while, neither of us wanting to let go. "Excuse me, sir, are you Joshua Scott?", a lady said in front of us. He hesitantly pulled away before nodding. "And this is your..", she said, looking at me. "Younger brother", he said quickly.

That's one thing Josh and I have in common. We have a hard time speaking to people we don't know, much less important people like this lady. "Come with me", she said as she led both of us into the room.

She gestured to us to sit on the chairs as she stayed standing. I timidly looked over and saw her with a cloth covering her body and face. She's really gone isn't she..

I gripped Josh's hand and looked up at the nurse. "Well, I'm sorry to say that your Grandmother, Amy Scott, has passed away", she said in a soothing voice, never once breaking eye contact.

We stayed silent for a few seconds before Josh broke it. "How, may I ask.", he whispered loud enough for her to hear. "Well, when she was brought to us about three weeks ago, she had lost a lot of blood and she had many different head injuries. Some of her wounds weakened her heart, which was already weak from age, we tried our hardest to keep her alive", she said with pity.

I tightened my grip on Josh's hand and stared at the floor in silence. "I'll leave you two to talk", she said as she walked out.

"Josh", I whispered. "Mmmh", he hummed. "What are we going to do now?", I ask. "I don't know buddy. Can I tell you something", he says. "Of course", I whisper as I look up at his brown eyes full of sadness. "I-I'm scared... I don't want to lose you two", he said as he leaned in for a hug. He squeezed me tighter than he ever has and I hugged him back. "You'll never lose me", I whispered.

We finished up in the hospital, well, Josh did most of the things. "Do you want to get some food? We both missed supper and there's a food shop near here", He asked. I simply nodded and we headed to his car.

Slow rock music played quietly in the background, the usual bright night sky became more dull and grey. I took a long sigh and stared out the window. Who knows how long I was in the hospital. I just know Josh dropped me off before he went to work at three and now it's pitch black out.

The car slowly came to a stop by the drive through and Josh ordered our food as I stared at the menu. "I'll have the orange chicken with white rice  and a sprite", I whispered to him. He repeated my order before ordering his.

The food was nice and hot on my lap as we left for our house. The drive was still quiet and I'm sure it will be for a while..

We made it home pretty quickly and we headed towards the kitchen. Josh sighed before taking off his shoes and sitting on the couch. "Are you not going to eat?" I ask. "I'm just.. tired I guess but, I am, you can go change into your pajamas", he said. I went into my room and slowly changed into some basketball shorts and a tee-shirt before going back into the kitchen, where Josh was standing, eating his food.

I got my food and sat at the kitchen table. Both of us ate in silence for a while before I looked into the living room. "Hey, do you want to watch some T.V while we eat?" I whisper to him. He looks at me and similes before taking his food into the living room.

We both sat on the couch watching Spongebob and eating the Chinese food, giggling once in a while.

We watched T.V for a while longer, discarding our foam boxes in the trash once we finished our food. I was quite sleepy, but I didn't want to go sleep in my room alone. My eyes were droopy but I tried my hardest to stay awake. After a while I couldn't stop myself from sleeping, this is going to be embarrassing..

"Josh", I whispered. "What is it?", he asked. "Can I sleep on top of you?", I said before I yawned. "You haven't asked me that since you were five", he laughed. "Please, m' tired and I don't want to sleep alone", I whined. "Come here", he said as he laid on his back and opened up his arms. I crawled onto his chest and warped my arms around him.

"You're heavy", he whispered as he played with my hair. "You're just weak", I whisper back. We both chuckled before going silent again. "I miss her", I whisper and his hand stops playing with my hair. "I know, I miss her too, buddy", he whispered and wrapped both of his arms around me tightly.

"Come on, let's get some sleep, we have a lot to do tomorrow", He said before turning off the T.V. "On the couch?" I ask. "You were the one that wanted to sleep", he said before getting a bit more comfortable with me on top of him.

I cuddled close to him, my head rising and falling as his breath became steady in peaceful sleep. His heartbeat, full and rhythmic, lulling me to sleep.

•••