I stood at the counter of a convenience store, looking at the cigarettes inside, I felt a little sad.

"Sir, thirty-six dollars, would you like to pay in cash or by phone?" The clerk turned the screen to me with a smile.

I took out my phone to scan QR code, "By phone."

As I walked out with my bag, I couldn't help but look back inside the counter.

Out of the convenience store, I turned into a nearby vegetable market. It was more than ten o'clock in the morning, few people usually went out to buy vegetables at this time. But I did every day, because I didn't want to retch in this crowded market, where I always could smell all kinds of pungent smells. I did not want everyone who knew me to say, "Kevin, what's wrong with you? Why did you lose so much weight? Why are you so gaunt? You should go to the hospital. Do you want me to go with you?......"

All the things would make me feel embarrassed, and I couldn't tell them the fact that I was pregnant like a woman.

I really wanted to tell them that, but I couldn't. I couldn't imagine the way they would look at me. I couldn't even believe they still thought of me as a person. If I really told them, they would find a way to send me to the research center.

Walking around the market, I bought a little spinach and salad.

When I got home, I changed into a baggy home dress, threw myself on my big soft bed and stared at the ceiling.

It had been two weeks since my first visit to the hospital, and during the period, I went back to the doctor again and asked him to do another physical examination. The doctor, surnamed Sun, in his 40s, readily agreed with me, and he took me out of the hospital and went to a private clinic to have an ultrasound test for me personally.

As the instrument was covered in a cold liquid that slid across my belly, Dr. Sun pointed to a faint black spot on the computer screen and told me this was the fetus in my belly, suddenly I had a strange feeling.

As a man, I never thought I'd have a chance to have a fetus in my belly, but it really came into my body. This fetus already existed in my body, in my blood, and it was a wonderful feeling. It was only then that I realized that I was really pregnant.

Looking at the screen, I thought I should keep this baby. He was my baby, my blood, I should keep him and give birth to him. I should accompany him to grow up.

When Dr. Sun saw me emotional, he comforted me and said, "Whether it is a woman or a man, giving birth to a baby is a fortunate and happy matter. However, you should control your emotions during pregnancy so as not to affect the fetus."

"I see." I said, reaching out to wipe my tears. "Doctor, I want to keep the baby."

There was no surprise on Dr. Sun's face. He nodded, "I know you are an emotive man. As a doctor, I choose to respect every life, but Kevin, there are some things I have to tell you, and you have to be prepared."

"Uh-huh."

"The current technology is very advanced, but everything is uncertain. There are some risks for women to have a baby, let alone men."

"Well, I see." I nodded.

"A woman carries a fetus who grows in the uterus, but a man has no uterus, look." Dr. Sun raised his hand and drew a circle on the screen, "You also have no uterus in your body. The growth of a fetus depends on a temporary layer of false caul, less than a fifth the thickness of a normal uterus. So as the fetus grows, the life of the fetus and yours will be in danger."

Dr. Sun's words left me in a long silence.

To be honest, I was afraid of death. Everyone thought special troops were not afraid of death, as a matter of fact, we were certainly afraid, because we were closest to the death, and we knew the importance of living. There were many people in this world who wanted to live but lost their lives in various man-made or accidental circumstances. It was a grief only we could understand, so we didn't risk our lives unless we had to.

But now I faced a crucial decision in my life, whether to keep him or give him up.

I was thinking, did I have to risk my life for a life I had never seen before?

Dr. Sun didn't say anything, but looked at me quietly.

I closed my eyes and recalled my mother leaving me when I was seven. That year, I became an orphan, my mother left me, and my father drowned in a river. Overnight, I became a jinx.

I would never forget the day I was sent to the orphanage. My aunt pushed me toward the door, I took her hand and cried, and I told her I would be obedient, but she still pushed me in, then she turned around and disappeared...

All the things in the past came up for me. I raised my hand and touched my cheek. It was cold. Dr. Sun handed me a tissue and I took it to wipe the tears off my face, "I think I should keep him."

Dr. Sun looked at me kindly, "If you have made up your mind, I will help you seek the help of my friend in a foreign country. He has been devoted to the study of male fertility for years and he is also an expert in this field. I think he can give you a hand."

"Do I need to go abroad?" I asked.

"No," Dr. Sun put away the instrument, "I'll send him your file these days, I'll try to negotiate with him that you stay in the country through your pregnancy, after all, the domestic food is better for you, but you may have to go abroad to give birth to the baby."

"I see, thank you, doctor." I was grateful to Dr. Sun, without whom I wouldn't know what to do.

After coming out of the hospital, I passed the mother and baby shop, looking at the delicate children's bed and baby dress inside, I went in... Now, those baby dresses and the bed stayed in the guest room next to my bedroom.

In a few short days, I bought a lot of baby things, which almost filled the cupboard in the guest room, but when I went shopping every day, I could not help but buy something that I liked.

After lying in bed for a while, I got up and went to the kitchen to cook something for myself. At this time, the phone on the table of my living room rang.

Since I found out I was pregnant, I took advantage of my suspension from work to take a long sick leave. Now the person called me could not be the criminal policeman, so who could it be?

I went to the living room to pick up the phone, but there was a strange number on the screen, I answered, "Hello, who’s that?"

There was silence for a while, and then a familiar voice sounded, "Kevin, it's me."

I was stunned, because the man on the other line was the father of the baby, Jason.